Callan's Kicks

00:18 I'm important. And I'm back. Sorry now, I'm a tad late. I had to use a little Taoiseach's room. Anyway, let's go. Hit me, hit me. I'm ready. 00:25 You. We could hear a lot of whimpering. Were you crying in the bathroom? 00:28 No, no, no, no. That wasn't me. That must have been another panic-stricken Thonisher returning from paternity leave. Next. 00:32 How is your baby daughter? 00:34 Well, she's performing as expected. I'm cautiously predicting quite a bit of growth over the next couple of years. But as is also the case internationally, quite a bit of volatility, particularly at bedtime. I did make her a lot of promises early on, but as with the electorate, I'm hoping she doesn't remember any of them. Why didn't you nominate a replacement for any of your jobs when you went on paternity leave? And who exactly would I nominate? Helen. 00:55 Helen McEntee. 00:58 No, no, no. I just didn't see the point. But I did keep an eye on my DMs and I kept my TikTok notifications on. I was only away from the statutory two weeks paternity leave. Two weeks. That's only 21 days. That would be three weeks, Thornish. 01:10 Yeah, we haven't seen you in three weeks, man. No, no. 01:12 You subtract time for a bank holiday weekend, issuing weird over-the-top statements on you-know-who. Carry the one equals two weeks. It was reported Patrick O'Donovan received a call from a senior party figure the day he fell ill with his future in capital place in doubt. Was that you, Thornish? Well, let me just say I've read all of your nasty coverage and I can quote verbatim, but of course I was on leave so I didn't obsess over it in any way or cry myself to sleep repeatedly. It was you then, yeah? Well, let me be blunt. I did call Minister O'Donovan. Yes, it was I, but certainly not on purpose. 01:44 Are you? Because I like to avoid doing that. I'm actually quite scared of it. 01:47 Was it a heated call, Thaunishta? 01:49 Not at all. Not at all. It was probably a butt dial. Is that what they call it? A butt? If the call was heated, it was because my phone was resting on my butt cheek. It happens to all of us. All of us. Even the important ones. Sorry, you keep your phone in the back pocket of your trousers. Is that right? Even at home? Well, maybe it was another type of dial at the front of my trousers. I don't hear you asking Tig Ferlong where was he that day. Maybe he got hold of it. Hold of it? My phone, I mean. 02:12 Did you ask him to step down, Thaunishta? 02:15 Lookit, it was a routine conversation I have with lots of my ministers where I merely suggest they step down. It's a thing I do. Hello, Peter Burke? It's Simon here. Resign now. 02:25 It's just the reporting would suggest Patrick O'Donovan was close to being sacked over the RTE Hames. Is that true? No, no, no. I appointed him twice to cabinet, both times the same year, but it still counts-ish. And I support Minister O'Donovan and all the U-turns he's had to do in office. And he should take as long as he needs to get better. That's the important thing. As long as he needs. Years, if necessary. Did you threaten to sack him though? Absolutely not. And you can ask him because we have spoken extensively and rehearsed, I mean rehashed, how much we agree with each other on the exact timeline and wording of what happened. 02:56 Wait till you see. 02:56 Have you spoken to him lately? 02:58 Indeed I have. I front butt dialed him only yesterday as it turns out. I'm in routine, constant whispering at 3am behind half open doors contact with Patrick O'Donovan. Totally normal. I have a question for your job as Minister for Finance. Oh, thank God. 03:11 I never thought I'd be glad to hear finance questions. Yes, what is it? 03:14 What do you say to people who saw an increase in PRSI in their payslips this week? It wiped out the micro-tax cuts that you offered in their budget by the increase. Yes, indeed. I am willing and able to take the question about PRS... What was it? PRSI? Tanisha, you do know what it stands for. Well, of course I know what it stands for. That's a bizarre question. I'm very important. So it's PS... PRSI. PR. 03:38 Private. Revenue. 03:42 S. Iman. Pay-related social insurance. This press conference is over. I have to call all of my ministers for routine conversations and it will take up the rest of the day. So bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you. 03:54 Thank you. Thank you. 04:04 All right, Cunis members, for the reservists joining us for the weekend of horrors, I'm Garda on the Commissioner Faeclamagile Fehechil. 04:11 Call me Garda Geraldine. I'm the one over the double time in the blue flu, so get to know me. I will be useful in the coming weeks and months ahead. 04:19 Members, it's time to be tooled up and ready for Halloween hostilities. 04:23 Aw, Jesus, we haven't the hope, boss. Lose the ha-ha-tude. 04:26 This is no time to show weakness. Dublin streets are run by teenage north-faced narcos. 04:31 They're terrorising the capital with uncontrolled e-scootering and aggravated vape sucking. And that's just a normal weekend. 04:39 Halloween is like their annual staff party. Make no mistake, gentlemen. 04:43 And Ben Gardy. 04:44 This weekend is like the Met Gala for Bucco's band out of the ILEC centre. 04:48 It's going to feel like the all-Ireland final of looking hard outside a centre. 04:53 So no putting ourselves in vulnerable positions. 04:56 But sir, how are we meant to tell the difference between a crim and a balaclava and a kid masked up for Halloween? 05:00 Well, the criminal is usually the one wearing the expensive jacket or inside a stolen vehicle tick-tocking you. 05:07 Now, the streets are awash with illegal fireworks and enough pyro techniques to make the Easter Rising look like a gender reveal party. So we're launching Operation Tombola. 05:17 A raffle? Negative, Sullivan. Tombola Cos. Why? Well, AI was to come up with the name, but we hit our limit for clawed messages and had to wait three hours for the reset on the free plans. 05:27 So our fireworks have been illegal for years. How come everyone still has them? Enough with the hattitude. Sorry, miss. 05:32 This is not the time for sensible questions. It's Halloween. Don't you get it? We're talking housing estate greens overrun with the JD sports jihadists here. 05:41 Affirmative. It's like they're Debs if the graduating class were all on a watch list. So what do we do if we get calls about fireworks going off? 05:49 Well, that would be a code EV. 05:52 Tell the caller you'll be right there in your electric patrol vehicle. Correct. Everyone knows the story of the Garda who had to thumb a lift to a call out after his EV went flat. 06:02 No one expects us to respond to calls in a timely fashion, so we're off the hook. 06:06 Nobody expects us to be able to tackle street crime by the Canada Goose gangsters either. 06:11 That's because of the Garda cuts circa 2012, when Fine Gael shut all the barracks. And now they're surprised that lawlessness has prevailed it. 06:19 Some of us will never forget. The Blair Witch budget, the silence of the guards. 06:24 So members, good luck out there. 06:26 Fact this, I'm thinking of pulling a sickie before the blue flu strikes. Sullivan. 06:29 We won't have that talk here. I'm not going. We have some Circle K vouchers to give away. Now we're talking. 06:35 First prize to whoever can make it to midnight without ending up being threatened on a Yupro's TikTok that gets 800 likes from accounts with no profile pictures. Dismissed. 06:53 Right. 06:54 Well, we can't even call ourselves the United Left Latte Gal, pals, because Holly has saddled us with her stunted double. 07:02 I am the nominated Sock Gems de facto leader. That is out of order, Mary Lee. Speaking of orders, I'll have a pumpkin spice latte keen. 07:08 There's a good lad. Same, sir. And the code for the Jacks But I Cafes They charge you five quid for a coffee And treat access to the toilet Like were Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman The poor Sock Dems Halloween always makes them nervous On account of Owen Hayes you understand I want to reiterate We're not hiding Owen Hayes He's sheltering in place While Storm Austin blew over Storm Palantir more like I was looking forward to seeing his Halloween costume Not going as Obama this year is he Rafflecopter 07:35 Is that still a thing? I want to clarify, he deeply regrets the incident, but also technically he was dressed up as Justin Trudeau, dressed up in blackface, so, you know, not racist or hiding. 07:44 Whatevs. Just get the coffees, dude. 07:46 Why do I have to... Go. Thanks so much. 07:49 Doesn't he always look like one of the in-betweeners wearing their dad's suit, Ivana? Gosh, I really do love a 2011 reference. Cos labour in power? Torching all their values? No, cos I was living my best life double-jobbing in Trinity and the Shannon. 08:03 Oh. 08:03 And I was living my best life three weeks ago on the Garvahi Road, rebooting the 90s. Oh, congrats, by the way. The judge upheld the ban on the Orange March. This is wonderful success for Sinn Féin. I'm so disappointed it's all over. Sorry? I was hoping for a grandstanding finish. Rubber bullets flying. Bill Clinton being defrosted and flown in. Right. How am I supposed to overblow my Mandela complex now? Well, you have that police inquiry, don't you? Hold in and formally questioned by the PSNI. It was by appointment and it was more like smart casual questioning than formal. 08:34 I see. Not even a door kicked in at the crack of dawn. Right. So they wouldn't know which wing of the house to send in the squaddies from, to be fair. 08:42 Right, two pumpkin spice lattes. There you go. Thank you kindly, Keane. Thanks, I suppose. 08:47 You're welcome. So, did either of you nerds catch the Macklemore gig? Um, what exactly is a Macklemore? You've never heard of him. He's huge. Well, I gather that much. Otherwise, he'd be Macklebyug. 08:57 Very good, Giovanna. 08:58 Thank you. He had right on support acts, as well as Liam Cunningham and Mark Ruffalo giving lengthy political speeches. 09:04 Which is somehow now the coolest thing that could happen at a music gig. 09:08 I could have easily slid in there between Cunningham and Ruffalo, if you catch my drift off. 09:12 Stop the war, and so on and so forth. 09:15 I do like Housier, even if he is from that terribly rough neighbourhood. What? He's from Bray? Yes, yes, that's the one. And we wonder why the left doesn't seem any less elitist than government. 09:25 Anyway, spooky weekend. Are we all watching Dominic West's new show? Posh Brits in a divorce battle. Yep. Hot totties suing each other for all they're worth. 09:32 That's the one. It's right up my street. Hey, what's it called again? War, isn't it? That's not what I call it. It isn't? I prefer armed struggle. 09:40 Oh, I see what you're doing. 09:43 E-ha-ha-na-huna-dee of freaks. For everybody in the country. 09:49 Yes, yes. 09:49 And so, your majesty, our king, our lad, I reckon I've got about ten months before they all hate me. If only it weren't so. Prime Minister, I have something for you before you go. What's this, then? It's a... A one-wish willow, eh? It's just a silly thing. You open it, break it. Go on. And make a wish. I love silly gimmicks, mate. Why not, then? Bye, Eck. Let's give it a go. Ah. 10:14 Hmm. 10:15 It's a bit strange, isn't it? Break it. 10:19 I suppose I wish the public loved my fixing of trivial problems more than anything else in the world. Now you've done it. You what? They're going to love you. All right. 10:31 OK. 10:33 Thank you. 10:33 Raucous scenes in the House of Commons as the Prime Minister took to his feet... 10:37 Mr. Speaker, due to the unexpected and unprecedented polls responding to the video of me dancing, tying me shoelaces and my crackdown on packaging that can't be opened without a Stanley blade, I am rolling out more of my petty priorities for everyone in this country. 10:58 He's the dashing Prime Minister who promised to bring back chalk ice as foil wrappers for KitKat. 11:03 Andy, we just love you. Really? I thought I'd be brown bread by now. 11:06 Your banning of smoke alarms that beep when the battery is low is so genius. 11:10 Aren't people annoyed about the cost of stuff in the NHS, Laura? 11:14 Not when you finally outlawed unexpected item in the bagging area nightmare. Oh. Voters are besotted with you, Andy. 11:20 They're what? You are the daddy. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with all... It's turning into an obsession. 11:28 I've got to hand it to Andy Burnham. On behalf of all the people with yellow teeth in this country, he's made everything better. He's restored full-size wagon wheels. 11:36 He brought Toblerone triangles closer together. I honestly love the man so much. I have disbanded reform and I'm leaving England in a small boat. Thank you, Andy. 11:45 Opinion polls are showing support going through the roof of the Labour Party under the man who banned burgers that are stacked too high for people to bite into. 11:53 On the couch this week, we told David Attenborough to stay at home, old man, because we just wanted Andy Burnham. Again, four weeks in a row. Viewers just love him. Andy, we love you so well, aren't you? 12:07 I love the Andy Burnham. Andy, Andy, Andy. 12:16 You're mad. 12:17 Something the matter? 12:18 It's the wish. It's going too far, our king. I don't feel right somehow. 12:23 How can I take it back? 12:24 The one wish, Willow, can't be reversed. 12:27 It can't be... No, no, it'll last for years. 12:30 No. And years. No. And years. No, please. And years. And years. And years. And years. And years. 12:42 Good morning, Prime Minister. How... 12:46 What is it now? The results of the general election. There's been an election? What? Oh yes, the people love you. You've won it five elections in a row now. They're still obsessed with me, the public. Well, I guess maybe it's not all bad. Your promise to abolish Manchester won the day. 13:03 Why would I promise to- Well, you'd done everything else and they heard you say it in your sleep and loved the idea, even in Manchester. 13:10 They're watching me while I sleep. Of course. What? People have gone blind. They can't stop watching you. No, but Manchester. You'd be blowing it up by lunchtime, sir. I should have focused on the bigger issues. I should never got waylaid by petty priorities. Well, the nuclear winter is approaching, but people still love you. What? Even the starving ones. I didn't want this. I just wanted to make a difference. You did? Oh. Well, to those who remain. Remain? They voted to remain, so maybe I did something right. Well, the leave or remain vote was about who would survive the famine. 13:43 No. 13:44 Remember when all the employment ended because you let AI proliferate and they set off the Russian nuclear subs? No, I just wish it would stop. I could offer you a cup of tea. That'd be nice, sir. Love a brew, me. But all we have is victory coffee. What? Which is just acorns and dirt, sir. 14:01 Oh, no. Oh, no. What have I done? Don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry I am. 14:09 You banned crying, remember? 14:11 What? 14:12 Punishable by death. 14:23 Welcome to the Two Tommies Show. We're quiet and meaningful, Tommy. Thank you, Fred. So good to be here. And profound in a pair of trousers. And loud and inappropriate, Tommy. 14:36 Laughing around the place like a baldeslo pony after three bottles of Bucky. Yahoo! 14:41 Hello Tommy and tonight we're discussing like the ancient Celtic traditions of sound if you get me Lesbian biscuits! 14:48 Which I've always found like beautiful but in a strange heartbreaking sort of way That's what you say about everything quiet Tommy I've even seen you get misty eyed over a bowel movement Oh jeez 15:01 Now, let me ask you, Loud Tommy, if I can. Yes! What's your favourite, like, Samhain tradition from the Fado... Fado Habitat? Bobbing for dildos in a convent and fist-fighting a Magnus puppet on Shop Street in Galloway. 15:15 For me, like, Samhain is the custom of disguising yourself. 15:19 You'd bore a burk. 15:20 To ward off like wandering spirits, like putting your soul inside like a turnip, do you know? That or shoveling down gumfuls of penny sweets till I puke rainbows through an old ones letterbox in Leitrim. 15:34 It's sort of like a beautiful spiritual wandering to mark the year's final bountiful harvest. 15:40 Never mind bounty bars! Give me the cheapest middle aisle E number cluster bombs and force feed me like a French goose till I bop! 15:47 For me now, Samhain is about wading barefoot into a bog and sobbing at the moon while squelching the ancestral sod between me hairy toes. 15:58 For me, it's about strapping squealers and bangers to the pook and riding them through a supermax. Maybe this year, like, to understand each other better, we could... What? Like, dress up as each other. What do you think? 16:10 Yes! Look at me! 16:12 I'm quiet and meaningful, Tommy. Two waistcoats, four scarves and the biggest pecking glasses you've ever seen. I look like an 80-year-old Michael Stipe. Ha ha ha! I suppose if I dressed like you, I'd be topless-like. Topless! I'm probably saying something about travellers and Nigerians. That's right! Can't be with the taste. 16:29 Let me do the accent! 16:30 Well, thank you loud, Tommy. I found the conversation beautiful, but also... No, I didn't. If you believe this, strangely heartbreaking. Do you know? You're a gal. Do you know, like... Wrap it up. It was holy. Really. Like... No! You know, like... Happy Halloween, you mad little Lutheran! 16:47 Well, Taoiseach, how are you set up for Halloween? Do you have your sweets ready for the trick-or-treaters? Sweets? Jack, no, no, no, you're backing up the wrong tree-shock there in terms of... Why? What do you give the kiddies on Ehehaona? Raw coconut and a selection of dried fruits and wheatgrass jellies. They're nice. Your house gets egged every year then, does it? 17:05 There's no higher honour than being pelted by protein on an autumn night. 17:08 I love this time of the year. Would you like a monkey nut? No. I love the monkey nuts. Families feel shortchanged as it is on budget night and now this. Plus all the polls are dead set against us breaking the triple lock. And I don't start with all that. What? Sure nobody even knows what the triple lock is. True. 17:22 I'll tell you this much though. I wouldn't mind sending in troops to quieten that president. 17:27 Oh, has there been a rare sighting of Catherine Connolly? Even Bigfoot is getting worried that she's stealing his act. No, no, no, not that president. The other lad, the fecker who won't go away. He keeps coming back for more like bam on a hospital contract. Michael Dees wham-bammed you on the triple lock. Sliding into military alliances, he says. Sounds kind of cool. Come here, who is taking the horse to NATO? Just when I thought we'd a triple lock on him. He's out of office, living in Galway where you can't hear anything above the wind and to shut the front door pinching. How come he can't take a hint? Still, it's nice boss that we're here denying we've put the country on military alert. 17:59 Simon Harris is denying that he'd a mini meltdown with Patrick O'Donovan. What? 18:05 It is very enjoyable alright. It is. The blue shorts piddling all over themselves. 18:08 They're Marx Brothers on a circus train shtick. It makes Fianna Fáil's front bench look like the Congress of Vienna. It does. Totally. Jemiriam is sorting out the legal legal stuff. I'm on top of the pay talks. We're sorting the men from the boys. Very complex negotiations for you there Jack. 18:23 What? How could you possibly appease the bloated upper echelands of the civil service with just two billion quid to spare? 18:29 Hey, I'm playing hardball on productivity so I am. 18:32 And the six-figure managers are playing the Xbox at home. Come on now. 18:35 What do you mean? Productivity is just for the entry-level public servants who got shafted by the unions in austerity. 18:40 We know how this goes. They'll take the punishment again so the pre-2011 boomers can spend the extra 4% on a cruise. Ah, here. What else are we doing? 18:47 Our rules on flavourless vapes and colourless vape packaging have been signed into law at last. Job done. Ah. A coalition vanguard comprised of the dullest government in history banning all colours and flavours. 18:58 Finally, we're hitting our stride, Minister Chambers. Whatever next? Is the scuzzy deposit return scheme a little bit too much fun for citizens? 19:06 Now, I should say the commencement date for the no-crack vapes has not yet been set. 19:10 Oh, that's good. Is it? That'll give the black market 12 months to adapt, the vape shops 12 months to complain and the government 12 months to forget why we introduced the Shegan thing in the first place. 12 months. Big decisions to be made. Huh? 19:22 No, no, I don't think so. I can't think of any... About anyone's future? The future is orange, they used to say in the ads. 19:29 Not for the vapes anymore, it isn't. No, just that there might be some big departures because, you know... What are you saying? Everything ends, boss. 19:36 Oh yes, of course, of course. I mean, all great leaders must eventually name the days. 19:41 There we go. Depart and finally bow out. This time next year, boss. That'll be you, God. 19:47 Thank God I'm not a great leader, so. What? Just a middling leader. Middle of the road. 19:52 Middling, Martin, should they call me. No, me whole the great they call you. The great ones can always be shafted and heaved out. In the middle, no one ever spots the fellas in the middle. But, but. I can cling on a bit longer. 20:02 Like dried Weetabix to the side of a bowl, you'll never be rid of me. Tis the weekend. I'm off home for a cheeky bowl of lentils. Ah, Jesus. Happy Halloween. 20:25 Look at this crowd. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's good to be here. Michigan, what a tremendous place. The Wolverine State. We love the X-Men. Not when it comes to the trans, not those kinds of X-Men, but real guys. The ones who shoot lasers out of their eyes and can control ice. I also control ice. But I prefer to use ice to deport people, many people, instead of fighting Magneto. Magneto, what a horrible guy he was. He controls the metal, but didn't pay any tariffs. 20:56 Biden let him away with an unbelievable. Today, we honor America's greatest assets, Republican voters, and Nicki Minaj's butt. That's right, Nikki's here. We brought her here on the plane. I got free from oil dictators. She's dressed head to toe in Gucci, Gucci, just to show how in touch we are with the working man and working woman who's working at home. Oh, Nikki, stand up, Nikki. No one loves a good backside more than me, trust me. John Husted is another great rear. 21:29 What an ass, wow. Now let's get into the hate speech hour of my rally. Who doesn't love a good hate speech? I got some of the... It's so good to be here, wherever I am now. Ohio! Oh, that's the one where they were eating the cats, they were eating the dogs, and now the minorities are gone, so your pets are safe. You know, you can't say that word anymore, they say, because of China. They say, sir, you can make fun of Chinese, because, oh, they're a minority. 22:00 There's like two billion of them. How is that a minority? The liberal lip flakes, they can't count. But you know who is a minority? Rich white women, that's who. Especially the hot, stupid ones who let you marry them. There's so few of them. Where are those girls? That's a great minority. You can marry as many as you like. Anyway, here's the YMCA. Thank you, Ohio. 22:30 Yeehaw, Texas. Well, Texas, I'm back here for the third time in October just to show how not worried I am about losing my Texans. Everything's bigger in Texas, even Nicki Minaj's fun buns. Believe me, a lot of people believe that. And by the way, the numbers here are fantastic. I think we're going to win big. In a free and fair election. If we lose, it's because it's stolen. A total fraud. I'll tell JD to make a note. JD will do anything. 23:01 He couldn't find any evidence that people were eating the dogs. In Ohio, he offered to grab a poodle. Do it himself. What a guy. That would have been some sight. One lap dog pooch eating the other. Unbelievable. We are making America great again. Measles are back. Eggs are now the same price as class A drugs. What a comeback. Thank you, Texas. You'll love your hats and your big steaks. Wow, I love steak. I'm thinking of John Husted's glutes again. Wow, what an ass that is. 23:32 One of the greatest asses this country's ever seen. Believe me, it's tremendous. 23:43 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. 23:47 Hello, lyric lovelies. Dave Fanning is with me for the music chats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Marty. Are we on? Good luck. So, Macklemore held his first free Palestine concert at the Three Arena. Free me, aye. 23:57 The tickets were 90 quid. Yeah, Macklemore. I mean, fair play for all the activism, the standing up and shouting out and so on. But music-wise, I'd prefer to be hearing Mackle-less. 24:06 Naughty Now he has spent many years campaigning for several worthy causes Of course that would explain why he has so little time to write a hit for the last 15 years Spiky Dave It's true I believe he said the ceiling can't hold us Is that right? That's right yeah but enough about the state of the radio centre I ask you You're a devil 24:24 Special guests at The Three Reader included hosier and kneecap. Now there's a combination. Kneecap followers, they're like a bag of ketamine in a balaclava, while hosier's fans, they're more like walking scented candles. I don't know how they would have mixed. I can only imagine. 24:37 The hosier people would be clutching keys between their knuckles walking past the kneecap crowd, while at least the tricolour balaclava set would have enjoyed a nice disco nap during hosier's set. 24:47 In other news, Jay-Z has been announced for next year's Super Bowl halftime show, coveted slot, of course, in America. 24:54 How have they gone from Gen Z favourites Kendrick Lamar and Bad Bunny to 56-year-old Jay-Z? He's old enough for RTE gold. There's no need for that. 25:03 But I've no idea how Jay-Z's company that chooses the Super Bowl performers thought long and hard and then went and selected himself. 25:10 Now, now, to be fair, he is giving hope to the smallest minority in society. 25:15 God bless him. He is? What? Billionaires! 25:19 Thanks a million cheers and good luck. Oh dear, oh dear. 25:31 Tis got fierce cold in here. 25:33 Who goes there? Ah! Ah! Tis me, Deli. Why are you screaming like a goat in heat, Michael? Because of the cut of you. Tis been in aid since I laid eyes on the Kilgavan gremlin himself. 25:44 That's because we've been apart, Michael. Tis not natural. Tis like separating lovely slices of ham from slightly ticker-cut ham in a sandwich. 25:53 Close the door, will you? Ah! We'll ask the men himself how we are to be reunited. Did you bring the Ouija board for contacting the spirits? I did, Michael. What is that in the name of the holy giblets? 26:04 It's a monopoly board. It has rent collection and buying up land. I thought daddy would enjoy it. 26:10 Here, I'll just move the glass on and we'll make a good fish of it so. 26:13 Spirit of the Dede. Spirit, can you hear me? Hello? Is there anyone in the world beyond ours? Hello? 26:21 How are you doing, lads? 26:25 What are you doing in our seance? 26:26 I'm doing my own show-ance. 26:28 I thought it was a Beyonce, no? 26:30 I'm trying to contact Ian Paisley to sort out Hogwarts. 26:33 You mean starbent. 26:34 Would you get off the line? We're trying to call our daddy here. Daddy. Oh, I remember Jackie. He was no stool. Not to be truffled with, he was. I forgot. 26:44 A real wolf in cheap clothing. Okay. Just hang up on him, Danny. I'll try it again. 26:51 Spirits? Can you hear me? Birdie, is that you, you yellow trouser devil smothermilk licker? No, Mr. Paisley. Doctor! 26:59 Oh, I would ration me oxen if you could look at it good, Doctor. Wish, Denny. I thought I was through to Birdie Heard. No, we were just talking to him. 27:07 He's on the other line. Well, can you patch me through? This is Intellicamaran. I'm here trying to cross interdimensional passages into the ethereal plane. Have you seen our Denny, Dr. Paisley? 27:18 Never! Never! Never! Never! 27:20 Just try it again there last time, Denny. Never! Here we go! Shh, shh, shh, shh. I hear something now, do you? Denny? 27:28 What, Indy? Denny, you're squeaking that they cut off your gilly-cuddies. That's not him, that's Fungy. Fungy? Yeah. My leash, I'm sorry to ever walk you. Wait. What are you? Fungy is my father. Anna, would you stop? 27:42 There's just a wrong number on the incorporeal realm. Oh. Oh. 27:46 What's he saying, Michael? He's saying I was right about everything. No. And you need to let me rejoin the government because you're an orphan Tlaiborg who's ruined our dynasty something putrid. He did in his blowhole. Take that back. He did. 28:00 Fungi would not say that. What? It was you that ruined the legacy of the Healy Reyes as good, decent, hatchet-licking people, suspicious of mirrors, and cross-eyed people. 28:10 He said you're an idiot and you only got to carry your pulse because of me. 28:14 You're the worst.